I don't have any real reason for this post, other than that my last one was three months ago and pretty negative. True as it is, I'm sort of tired of it staring me in the face. 

I'm getting sick of myself. As much as I try to change the way I go about things, it never happens. I wish I wasn't so quiet, but every time I try to give an opinion, I change my mind, convinced that no one will care anyway. Whether they do or not, I don't care, but I wish I could just say some things sometimes. I haven't got anything to lose, but I don't say it just 'cause. It's dumb. I'm tired of just accepting things the way they are, but I have little motivation to do anything to change them. If I do, it comes and goes, and when it does come, I somehow find a way to beat it back down, convinced it won't make a difference even if I did change whatever it is I want to change. 

I don't want to go back to school in the Fall. I know it's still far away, but I don't want to go. I wish I wasn't taking three AP classes. I don't really even want to take AP Spanish. I hate spanish. Rita is a great teacher, but I just don't care enough about it to really want to take AP. AP English is just going to be a pain in the ass. AP History is pretty much the only thing I'm looking forward to. It's the only class I actually like anyway. I don't want to take a math class. I hate math. I don't have to, but I don't know what else to take. I hate Ms. Kaniewski. She's a terrible teacher and I swear to God she's on crack, or some other drug. Why else would her hands shake so much? If she's not on drugs, she's an alcoholic. 

I have no life. This is nothing new and it usually doesn't bother me, but for some reason it does this time. I don't do anything except work, sit and stare at the computer, or watch tv or a movie. Would it kill me to socialize once in a while? But I don't know who I would hang out with. There are only a handful of people that I can spend an extended abmount of time with just by ourselves, and they're always busy. *sigh* I need to find a second job.

It is truly amazing how quickly my father can ruin something. Seriously. It's like a talent. I wake up at 8:15 this morning, which is entirely too early to begin with, and he comes bouncing into my room because he's been awake since 5:45 stomping around the house and having no consideration for the other people that could possibly still be sleeping. So he comes in all cheery and I am not a morning person whatsoever, and he's like "So are you excited for NY, are you excited, are you excited? How much money are you bringing? Are you done packing?" ect. Normally, I could care less that he asks these questions, but I JUST woke up. I don't feel like talking about it. And, it might seem weird, but I don't typically get outwardly excited about a trip until I'm there. In the place. I don't know why, but that's just the way it goes. I stared at him for a second or two and then answered his questions while trying to keep from yawning, and he of course, takes offense. Honestly, I have never in my life met a more sensitive person than my dad. He can dish it out, but my God, the SECOND you give it back, he gets so mad, you'd think you had shot his best friend or his parents or something. So I, in an attempt to avoid fighting with him, apologize and remind him that I had just woken up. He basically ignores that and asks me how much money I'm bringing and I tell him that from all the money that I had gotten for Christmas, my birthday, and Easter (which in itself is weird. Who gets presents, especially money, on Easter?) I had accumulated about $350. He flipped out. And I said, well what am I supposed to do? Not spend it? The people I got it from told me to specifically use this for my trip. I'm going to use it. And he's like, We should just get a debit card. But I haven't wanted to use a debit card. I would rather know how much I have and how much I've spent. I can understand where he's coming from, taking that much money to NYC is kind of stupid. But I'd rather have it on me and not risk them saying "Oh, we don't take debit." The chances of that happening? Slim to none. I would still rather have it on me. And it's not like I'd be taking the entire $350 every time I went out. And then he pulled the, "Well, now you're assuming that the people who clean your room aren't going to steal from you." And I said, Yes, I most certainly was expecting that. I'm not stupid, I also know that it's ridiculous to think that them stealing from me could not happen. But God forbid I be just a tad trusting. When my dad argues, he doesn't really argue. He just uses one or two points over and over and over and over again until finally, you get so frustrated, that you just give in to whatever it is he wants. So after 15 minutes of explaining and re-explaining why I don't want a debit  card, he concludes that it's only because I don't use one on a regular basis. Bull shit. You swipe and sign, idiot, a monkey could do that. At this point, I'm done with trying to make my point and agree to get the debit card because, clearly, that's the only way I'm going to be able to take my spending money with me. But surely, if I FINALLY agree to do what he wants, I'm just being a smart ass. It's like I cannot win with him. Either I have a chip on my shoulder and a defiant attitude and only want to argue with him, or I'm being a sarcastic smart ass when I agree with him. His argument for that is that he doesn't understand why I haven't come to this conclusion myself. And that's why he's waited so long to bring it up again. If I don't agree with him, why would I come to that conclusion by myself. At any rate, I kept saying that we should get the debit card and that he's right. I must have "Fine, you're right, we'll get the debit card" 10 TIMES IN THE LEAST SARCASTIC WAY POSSIBLE AND HE'S STILL ACCUSING ME OF BEING A SMART ASS. So then I just stop talking. I go into shut down mode, because that's how I operate. Well that really pissed him off and he said, "Have a good time" in a really snide way and then walked out. And of course somewhere in there, I wasn't letting him be excited for me. The way he can spin things and pull excuses out of his ass is absolutely amazing. I wonder where he learned it from, because if there was an olympic team for that, he'd be the captain. He makes ridiculous accusations and you don't get a chance to defend yourself because he's so loud that you just end up screaming and THEN you're being disrespectful. It's pretty comical actually. A random passerby could probably get some good entertainment out of it. I feel bad for my sister. He's home all spring break and does nothing but nag at the both of us because we're relaxing. But it's alright for him to sit on his ass and do nothing. He'll sit there and yell about the dishwasher not being unloaded and the piles of laundry that need to be done while he plays sudoku. I don't mind helping out at all, but don't be a hypocrite. Then again, the day my dad isn't a hypocrite is the day that I become Queen of England.

/rant.

So, I don't know if I haven't updated in the last month because I didn't think to or because there was nothing to update. I'm guessing the latter. 

Quite literally, nothing is going on. There's been Act2 stuff after school and that's it. Midterms were good. There's 39 days until New York and 75 days until school gets out. I've applied to practically every store in Brighton and nothing. I know people aren't really looking to hire a 17 year old because they aren't really looking to hire at all, but still. When you apply to at least 12 places and you still get nothing, it gets discouraging.

We went to my aunt and uncle's house last night. Liam has discovered his tongue and he continually sticks it in and out, over and over again like it's going out of style. It's hilarious.

I bought two Bobby Darin cds, The Notebook (the book, already have the movie), and On the Road on Thursday after skipping out on the pep assembly.

The Oscars are next Sunday :D

This is why I haven't posted in the last month.